Guilt
by SuperHeroFan82
Summary: Splinter knows better then any one how horrible it feels to be controlled by others, how does he help his most temperamental son in his time of need when the stubborn boy doesn't ask for help with a nightmare? Takes place directly following 'Clash of the Mutanimals'. please read and review.


Tossing and turning in his sleep he could still see him self bow before the enemy, the very man he wanted dead. It was the same man that caused his father many years of heartache and sadness. But the next flash of faces before his eyes were his brothers, the betrayal in their eyes as he stands next to their sworn enemy. His entire body was shaking, he looked into Leo's eyes and saw the truth their, he didn't blame him.

Looking up to his enemy as his brother ran forward he was forced to obey and attack...

Gasping for air and sitting straight up in bed Raphael was covered in a sheen of sweat as he put his hand on his plastron to try and calm his racing heart.

His door suddenly opened and his father and brothers raced in.

"Raphael! What is wrong?"

Splinter could clearly see the distress in his green eyed son, looking over at the other three turtles he said calmly.

"I will handle this my sons, please, return to bed."

They all nodded and started walking out of the room. Splinter walked over to his son's bed and sat down. At first Raph looked away then a gentle hand was placed on his shoulder.

"My son. I know I did not speak to you after what happened with the mind control, I only spoke to Slash. Can you tell me what happened? What has given you nightmares?"

Raph looked down at his blanket that was half on him but didn't say a word. Splinter frowned and asked his son.

"Raphael? Are you angry with me because I did not talk to you first?"

Raph shook his head from side to side, but still remained silent.

"Then why won't you speak to me?"

Raph could feel the emotion boiling up inside of him, he could feel the burn in his eyes from unshead tears threatening to surface. After several moments had passed Raph looked up at his father and said in a soft voice.

"I failed you..."

Splinter's frown deepened at these words.

"How did you fail me?"

Raph looked ahead at his door to his room, then his eyes traveled over to an old torn photo of his brothers. Seeing their smiling faces reminded him he was loved even at the worst of times. Looking down once more he said.

"I-I-I bowed to him... I-I fought Leonardo... and nearly killed him... how can a brother do that."

Splinter now understood what was bothering his son, placing his hand under his chin Splinter made his most temperamental son look at him.

"Raphael, do you remember when Rat King had me under his control? How I fought the four of you? And nearly... nearly killed you..."

The last part was said so softly Raph almost didn't catch it, but slowly he nodded to his father.

"Hai, I remember."

Splinter swallowed the lump in his throat, his son had been through what he had gone through with the Rat King. And he never even touched base with him on it.

"I know what it's like my son to loose control over your mind and body, to see your self fight the ones you were meant to protect and love. How can a father do that to his sons?"

Raph could hear the guilt lacing his father's words.

"But, it wasn't your fault? You weren't in your right mind."

Splinter placed a hand on his son's shell and said.

"And neither were you. Leonardo does not blame you, and neither do I my son."

Raph looked down again and said.

"If only I had fought harder... maybe things would have been different... maybe, maybe he wouldn't have gotten me under his control? If it wasn't for my temper then... Slash wouldn't have captured me so easily..."

Splinter could still hear the guilt lacing his son's voice.

"Raphael, please do not blame your self, as we have both agreed it was not your fault. You can not always fight some one controlling your mind. It can be very hard to do."

Raph looked up into his father's brown, understanding eyes, and asked.

"How did you fight it? Did you remember that you were Hamato Yoshi?"

Splinter locked eyes with his green eyed son and said.

"Yes and No, what brought me back were the four of you. When I was holding Leonardo down with our blades locked together and looked into his eyes. He knew instinctively how to bring me back... just as he knew how to bring you back."

"How?"

"Every one has a weakness my son, mine is being a father, yours is your temper. Leonardo knew that by calling me 'father' then he would reach me. Just as insulting you brought you back to us, I know I have tried to control your temper for a long time now. But I guess it can be an asset from time to time."

Raph looked down again and then said.

"SO... I'm weak? I thought I was the strongest?"

Splinter chuckled under his breath and said to him honestly.

"Physically yes, you are. But when it comes to mentally you are equal to Leonardo, this is why the two of you clash so much. You see, Leonardo is not very strong in the physical sense, but mentally he is, this is what makes him a great leader. The same goes for you mentally as well, I told him once in a private conversation that if something were to happen to him that made him not able to lead, to trust you with the rest of the family."

"So that is why he trusted me to be the leader when he was down with his bad leg."

"Yes, but he told me that you basically retrained him to be the leader again."

Raph looked up at his father.

"Yes, I do not want that kind of responsibility. Tried it for a few hours and nearly got Mikey killed..."

Splinter shook his head, he couldn't believe that his son still blamed him self for something that happened over a year ago.

"The point is Raphael, that one can not always control them selves when being controlled by others."

"What is going to happen when he does it to Karai? I heard Shredder say he was going to use it on her after the experiment."

Splinter looked down at his robe then said to his son softly.

"She is already not in her right mind my son, when we get her back, I will understand what ever she has put us through."

Raph nodded slowly, and felt his eyelids grow heavy. Splinter noticed his son slump slightly and placed his hands on his shoulders laying him down. Pulling the blanket back under his chin he kissed him gently and said to his nearly asleep son.

"Good night Raphael, and do not worry, I will not tell your brothers I tucked you in."

A small smile came across Raphael's face as he drifted off to sleep once again, only this time, with no nightmares...


End file.
